Hooking up, step by step
How to Hook Up: Where to Start, What to Say, What to Skip
Decide what you want, find adults who want it too and say so plainly.
Work out what you want, then go where adults are already looking for the same thing: a site made for casual sex, an introduction through a friend, or a night out. Say plainly what you are after, check the other person wants it too, meet somewhere public and let consent lead.
No coyness and nothing crude here: this guide assumes you are an adult and that you want the other person to enjoy the night too.
How do you hook up? Five steps from first message to meeting
- Decide what you want. A one-off or something you would repeat? How far will you travel, and on which nights? What is off the table, what do you need (condoms every time, say) and how private must it stay?
- Pick a place where people want the same thing. A site made for casual sex, a friend's introduction or a night out. On a site, add a recent photo and one line about no strings. The hookup profile tips help.
- Open with something about them. Mention a detail from their profile, say what you are after and ask one easy question. The Australian Federal Police advise keeping chats on the dating platform until you are sure the person is legitimate.
- Meet somewhere public. The Queensland Police Service advises a public place, your own transport and never leaving your drink unattended. Victoria Police advise telling a friend when and where.
- Check in again in person. A yes in chat is not a yes at the door. Agree that either of you can call a stop at any point, then ask, listen and be ready to go home with nothing more than a good conversation.
Where adults actually meet
- A site made for it
- It is an adult site built for casual sex, so you can say what you are after from your first message, though each person still decides for themselves. On HookUps365 you set your nearest town and pick tags such as Local Only or Available This Weekend.
- Mutual friends
- A friend who knows you both can make the introduction. It works when everyone is discreet and goes wrong when the group chat finds out.
- Out and about
- A night out, a party or a social group can work when the signals are clear. Nobody wears a sign, though, so ask plainly and drop it at the first hint of no.
To see how the first route works in your area, try the hookups near me page, or read about casual sex dating.
Three first messages to borrow
Make each one sound like you.
Your profile says local and casual, and so does mine. I'm around this weekend and I'd like to buy you a drink. Interested?
You had me at the beach photo. I'm after something relaxed, no strings, and I'd rather say so than waste your time. You?
Straight up: I'm after a bit of fun with no strings. If that suits you, tell me what a good night looks like.
What to do and what to skip
Do
- Say what you want in plain words.
- Use photos that look like you now.
- Answer politely, whatever the answer is.
- Accept the first no.
Skip
- Opening with a crude comment or a request for pictures.
- Messaging again after a no.
- Sending money to anyone you meet online.
- Leaving your drink unattended.
Nerves, rejection and keeping it kind
Nerves are normal. Message when you are calm, go easy on the drinks at the first meeting, as the Queensland Police Service advises, and give yourself a way out.
A no, or silence, usually says little about you. The other person may want something different, or may simply be busy. Reply once with "no worries" if you like, then move on. The site's terms ban harassment and stalking.
The full checklist is in our hookup safety tips, and manners before and after are in hookup etiquette. If the word itself is the question, start with what hookup means.
How to hook up: your questions
How can I hook up with someone?
Decide what you want, find people who want it too and say so in your profile and first message. Chat on the site until you are sure they are who they say they are, meet somewhere public and check in about consent face to face. A site made for casual sex lets you both say what you want before you meet.
What is the best way to hook up?
A site made for casual sex, or a trusted friend's introduction, lets you say what you want from the start. Even then, ask the person, because only they can tell you what they want. In a bar you cannot tell who wants what until you ask.
What should I say in my first message?
Mention one thing from their profile, say you are after something casual and ask an easy question, such as what a good weekend looks like. Keep it short and polite, and skip anything crude.
What if they say no or stop replying?
Take it as an answer. Reply once if you want to, thank them and move on. Silence is often just a busy week, and messaging again after a no is how people end up blocked and reported.
Say what you want and see who says hello
Set your town, say what you are after on your profile and start browsing.
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