The four stages of sex

Sex is amazing. There is nothing better at the end of a day than to grab a fuck buddy (after finding a surprise hook up that week) by the waist, start with soft kissing that quickly escalates to uncontrolled snogging, then sex that doesn’t quite make it into the bedroom because you wanted each other too much! Sex also can vary in terms of the enjoyment that is provides. Whilst it is usually at the least good (and rarely bad), there are times when it will be better than others. If you have a regular fuck buddy, you might also find that you get better at it with time. Learning to have sex with someone is like learning to play an instrument. You may have a strong musical background that means you pick things up quickly and are able to play with no practice, but each instrument has its own unique quirks and idiosyncrasies, the more you play the better you get. This is so true when it comes to sex. The more you do it, the better you get, especially with the specific person that you are having sex with.

Getting better at sex, whether it is for your next hook up or for a current fuck buddy, is something that is entirely possible to do. The best way to get better is, of course, to practice! It can be helpful to have an understanding of the scientific breakdown of the four stages of sex, as it helps you to think about what stage you are in when thinking about what you might want to do differently. So here are the four stages of sex.

Desire or excitement

This stage can often happen without things progressing into the actual sex, though they happen most strongly when you are getting it on with a lover. During this, the “desire” phase, blood floods the genital regions such as the penis, vulva, vagina, and clitoris. For women, the blood also triggers a fluid called transudate which acts as a highly effective lubricant within the vagina, thus preparing it for penetration. Muscles also contract through the whole body, with breathing often becoming rapid.


Arousal generally does carry on intensifying, however, the levels can vary. So your arousal levels may decrease, then increase again, then decrease. During this stage, the genital regions also continue to become more sensitive.


If you hit the sweet spot and build up to it right, you and your fuck buddy may orgasm. For men, they generally come with an orgasm, but interestingly you don’t have to ejaculate during orgasm. For women, some also come but others not.


Everything relaxes, the body starts to reset to its usual state. Men, generally, cannot orgasm during this phase but women can orgasm again during the resolution phase. There is also a sub-phase within the resolution period called a “refactory” phase. During this people will not respond to sexual stimulation.

So there are the four widely accepted stages of sex. If you think them through, you might now find it easier to think about ways of making your sex life more exciting! Perhaps pick one stage to experiment in and next time you hook up or meet your fuck buddy, try something different just in that phase!